Bringing Back the Old Me, Dec. 2011

Here are notes I began jotting down during doc review in Dec 2011, in connection with career eval, about not forcing myself to be lawyer-like if I wasn't.

-I discounted the notion of a true inner self, defining self by actions, and working to change myself for the better. Now I'm back wanting more of my old self. It's  a synthesis, like both ideas. Forget the true self and I won't enjoy life bc won't recognize what I love.
-went stricter on punctuation to show I cd spend the energy to do so. But my true self is less polished.
-i worked at F&P trying to be the new professional guy who represented corporate clients. Wrong path for me.
-let Jean change my hair to longer on sides and top, I accepted that as an expression of the true me. Keep that up.
-try not to swing too far back to the old me, and keep an eye out for other over-swings, or hypercorrections in beliefs or behavior.
-this swing back to new me builds on the recognition of enjoyment or appreciation of chaos and less neatness, as seen in the longer hair, but also seen as adopting Ni over Ti, how socionics calls INTp the less structured type. Cd still be P over J, making me INTP.
-but I was also building Te as the underdeveloped secondary function, esp to replace Ti. This was good, but overemphasized. Need to pick career and self that allows Ni out. Unlike many Nis, I'm comfortable w that.
-i also back in California saw my weight loss planning as not J-like, but looser. I connected it with Ni and foresight and planning. And a couple years ago I re-conceived of  strategy vs tactics by defining strategy as about the unknown and tactics about the known. A strategy guides present action to indirectly reach an uncertain future goal. Tactics guide immediate action toward a certain and improved situation. The latter seems STJish, or Te, while the former feels like Ni (but cd be Ti). My planning style is not very structured but is deliberate and focused, and sometimes systematic and organized, which all cd be how NJs (Nis)  work.
-all of that I guessed already, but it feels more important now that I'm adding another layer. I prefer Diagnostic Reasoning to Analytic Reasoning. This came from the Rockport tests. I doubt the test reliability, but the description of Diag Reas recalls some of the elements of Ni and planning discussed above. I need to accept I'm both high in it and love using it, and cannot work a job wo it. Might want to add in Anal Reas too.
-i kept saying I loved insights in career eval. I matched that w Ni, but now I go further and match it with Diag Reas!
-Diag Reas also fits with my disenchantment with being overly logical or analytical and proving things (as opposed to letting the truth defend itself), and my low performance in some areas of law so far. Also cd account for my sporadic legal genius, if Diag was subbing in for Anal (e.g., responding to opposing brief), or if I was pulling out adequately strong Te and Anal Reas.
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